funniest short answer I've ever read

This is a real answer to a short answer question/topic on the last Romeo & Juliet test.

"Friar Laurence is a character who probably knows how everything is going to end. He deals Juliet the sleeping potion, so he knows she's probably going to end up dead, even if she threatens to kill herself how many times? He's also the character that inspired Sassy Gay Friend.

J: I'm going to kill myself because they want me to marry Paris.

FL: What, what, what are you doing?!"

also, her response to a question about whether or not Paris actually loved Juliet and their explanation for their answer:

"Paris most likely wants money, and wants to get laid. He's almost twice her age, so he's probably still a virgin. He doesn't know love, because you don't know you wanted something so bad until it's gone forever."

The student that wrote these two answers cracks me up on the daily. Her short answers are usually correct, but hilarious. Basically, I hope that my future teenagers are as quick and witty as she is.

For reference:

Also: In 7th period, we read the one act play The Brute by Anton Chekov. 3 students read a out loud in front of class. The boys that read the male parts actually acted. it. out. the best they could with the books in their hands. It was THE BEST version of The Brute my classes have ever heard/experienced. It was awesome!

Who else but 7th period?

Dear 7th period,

My last period of the day has always been the most interesting. I seem to get a mix of the smartest, brightest and most rambunctious kids all in one class of 26-28. Your class has definitely been the most tame (even though you don't think so) and the most advanced. You all pretty much have personality and get along, which I like.

Today, for example, we read about Theseus. I figured you would not be into it at all, like most normal teenagers, but you surprised me again! You came up with History channel references, knew a lot about ancient Greece and really, really enjoyed when I called the Minotaur the "bastard child" of Minos' wife (not to mention when I called Gwynevere from Sir Lancelot's tale last time an adulterous whore). I'm glad my tests to make sure you're still awake are successful. Not to mention how much you enjoyed reading about Theseus torturing bandits the way they tortured other people. Oh, and I love how Troublemaker always acts out the stories, like today's reenactment of Theseus drawing out his sword to prove he was Aegeus's son (with perfect sound effects!). And it was so cute how y'all got quiet when Michael--our British kid for today--read the last paragraph of the selection because you wanted to hear him speak.

Remember how when we were done with work, you were supposed to work on your outlines, but instead danced to Thriller? I honestly didn't mind because you did so well with the story and asked a lot of questions about your writing assignments (and I also know that 90% of you will work on your own to complete it, the other 10% won't do it or will use the class time to complete some of it). Plus, it was great to see all of you laugh and have a good time together.

Basically, I really enjoy your class (even though I'd never tell you that during the school year). I look forward to it, even on your chattiest of days because you make me laugh and keep the class interesting.

Thanks for not being boring or a bunch of crazies!

Mrs. P.

Friday, LOTF, and kid games

Some weeks drag on. And on and on. That was last week. I took this picture last week trying to capture how much I hate progress reports, grading, and long weeks. I was so tired all week, I had a ton of stuff to get ready for progress reports and I had lunch duty (ughhh). By Friday, I didn't want anything to do with school. 

This week was better. Even though I had the GRE on Saturday looming over me the whole week, it went okay. We're almost done with Lord of the Flies in the 10th grade and a few more kids are getting into it. My seniors have turned in some research rough drafts and we're almost done with the literature part of the course. Everything is wrapping up nicely. I ended up ahead of myself and not behind, for once. It felt strange. I kept feeling unproductive. It'll pass with the upcoming weeks due to SOLs, papers, projects, and exams. I'm looking forward to when the seniors leave so I can finally make the room more of my own and start setting up for next year. Speaking of next year, I told my administrators and department chair that I'd be willing to help with a literary magazine, if they would like one started up again. I think it'd be really great for the school. Hopefully, if I get it, it'll be fun to do and not a huge chore. Ha.

Since I've had this whole quarter to teach Lord of the Flies, I've been able to do more with it, even though we're reading it in class (due to lack of books available for all Eng 10 classes).

I had them draw pictures:

I've had them do small writing assignments and journals on just about every aspect of the book, from why we like stories involving characters on the island to writing letters to the characters giving them advice to why Simon is so weird. They've done pretty well on it all.

So I threw them a challenge. I made a twitter for Simon (http://twitter.com/thebeastwthin), two of the three classes got to vote on who they wanted to do: Jack (http://twitter.com/CSharpHero), Piggy (http://twitter.com/notpiggy), or Ralph (http://twitter.com/want2BRescued). They had to come up with the suggestions and so far, they've done pretty well. What's  on the twitters are a combination of their suggestions, since a lot of them suggested similar ideas. We haven't finished them since we haven't finished the novel. They seemed to enjoy it and some of the suggestions made me laugh. 

Another thing I did with my 5th period, since they meet every day and thus get farther ahead quicker, was have a funeral for Simon. Yesterday we read the chapter where Simon is killed, so today I had them get into groups and write poems or paragraphs eulogizing him. They did a great job, I was really surprised! Some of them took on the voice of a character from the book (mostly Jack, since it's easier to write from his POV), but I had two great poems. 

After we did that, we had extra time, so I let them have free time. It was a plus for me since it allowed me to grade a little more (I was trying to grade as much as possible so I wouldn't have to worry about that while taking the GRE tomorrow). 

My 5th period is definitely one of my best classes. They're creative, they're productive, they're absolutely hilarious and they get along the best out of all of the classes, probably due to them meeting every day. During free time, I asked them to be quiet, so Kaitlyn decided to teach her friends a game she learned before. It was so strange and distracting that everyone in the class started watching them. Finally, I asked them to either stop what they were doing in 2 minutes (giving them time for one last game) or to include everyone. They were totally cool with that (I love them for that! In my other classes, they'd probably just give up their game) and decided to sit on the floor and teach others:

They changed the game after a few tries of the normal version and started trying to make weird faces or weird voices when it was their turn. When Garrett got to start it, he decided to do something a little different...

lemme brag a sec...

My seniors have finally finished Macbeth, which is a joy for all of us involved. It took way too long to get through, due to the timing: Start before winter break, go through semester change, etc. Seriously awkward timing for trying to teach a play. But it's all done! Tests are finished, projects and essays are done and we move on to the time period of 1660-1800. That's right-- trying to teach almost 200 years of literature before moving on to the Romantic period. There is a plus though: language is more modern. No more whining about "Why isn't this in English?!"
We started off by reading Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal". If you haven't read this, do it. It's hilarious. Read Gulliver's Travels, too, while you're at it. We've talked about satire throughout the year, it seems, so now was a good time to bring it up again and finally assign a writing assignment for the whole class (others that could've been satirical were optional, they could also be honest/serious) that involved satire. So, the students had to write their own "modest" proposal. Let me tell you, this was genius. There have only been a few times I've enjoyed reading every writing assignment, and this is one of those times. Some of these are absolutely hilarious! I'm very proud of my seniors right now, which is great since the last few weeks, they've been infuriatingly lazy and whiny.
Also, my 10th graders are actually enjoying A Midsummer Night's Dream, especially Act III (also my favorite act). A few of them are understanding it without me translating Shakespearean English into more modern English (!!!). Plus, they liked the Royal Shakespeare Company's version of it (so far) when I showed them Acts I and II. I'm going to show them the version made a few years ago when we're all done with the play.
I've decided on the second play we'll read in that class, too: The Glass Menagerie. I figured it worked because of family/parent issues. I don't want to do Julius Caesar, even though it'd be really easy for me to teach. No need to do 2 Shakespeare plays, some of those kids would probably try and poison my coffee. Another 10th grade teacher suggested that I not do Antigone because the version we have is a "bad" one and causing her a lot of trouble. The third other choice we have is one I'm not even remotely into and couldn't tell you the title of it to save my life. The one I chose seems to be modern enough and has a few things I could connect to Midsummer, so it'll work just fine.

books & end of semester

Ahh, the end of the first semester. I have less D/F students this nine weeks than last, I have two small things left on my to do list, and I have small corrections to make on my exam. What a wonderful feeling.
Today was full of silliness. My 4th period seniors are hilarious and I was trying to think of all the ways I could say crazy things about Macbeth to help them remember information, plot and characters for a test on Act I-III this Friday. We went off on tangents about how The Wire was amazing and another topic I can't remember, but definitely had nothing to do with Macbeth.
One of the best things about teaching is when you get an on-going inside joke in a class or group of students. For example, in my 3rd period senior class, we refer to Fleance, Banquo's son in Macbeth, as either the "F-word" or one specific student yells out his name in a way that sounds like "FleeeeAAAAAAncSSSSSSSSS". A perfect example of the inside joke with students is this: I have a faithful group of students who I spend lunch with. Most of them are in my 5th period (the lunch period), but there are a few that have first lunch, but hate going downstairs to the cafeteria. Usually, we get pretty silly and end up laughing for 5 or 10 minutes straight. It's always the highlight of my day. On Monday, a student I'll refer to as CH asked me a question. CH is like a little brother where we harass each other constantly. For example, he calls me Pippi in class because he found out I hate to be called Pippi Longstocking. Anyway. He asked if I had a blog. I said "yes, it's called 'Mrs. P hates CH' and I post in it every day about all the things you do that I hate." Ever since then, every time he does something during class, I'll say "Dear blog, today CH called me Pippi 5 times. I think my hatred for him has gotten stronger. Love, Mrs. P." Today, he said something nice about another girl in the Lunch Crew, SH, and they all joked about how the blog post will be "Dear blog, CH said something nice about SH today. Maybe we won't kill him after all...."
Oh, and I did the dance to "Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer at lunch today. Ever checked out pandora.com? It's a lifesaver during my super quiet study hall, plan period, or after school time. Today, I typed in "Baby Got Back" because all the students started singing it. "Can't Touch This" was the second song on the "station" (pandora will come up with similar songs to whatever band or song you type in). During 5th period today, the Lunch Crew decided we should keep the music on, but low to see if anyone noticed. Finally, we had to give it up that the music WAS coming from the speakers. We were then treated to a few students singing along and dancing to 90s hits. It was hilarious and I think it actually helped them get their exam reviews done! hah!

So. Over break, David and I went to our favorite book store ever, Kazoo Books. I FINALLY got some dictionaries (for some reason, NONE were provided in my classroom), but I only have 2 full, 1 somewhat full, and 1 barely-there dictionary. I've also started thinking about what books I'd like to add to a classroom library. I finally have enough space to keep textbooks, dictionaries, supplies AND a classroom book collection all in the same classroom, so I think it's time to start it. What I'd like from the three of you that read this (haha, as if 3 people read this, especially since I've been horrible at keeping it updated) are some suggestions that are absolutely necessary for this collection. If you're feeling really into this idea, there's a wonderful section on half.com where you can find books for less than $1. Good books, too. There's no way I'd ever get the district to pay for this, especially now with them cutting everything but teaching/staff positions to make sure they can stay within budget.

ladies and gentlemen: we have success

I haven't been 100% recently. Friday started it off with a horrible headache that felt like someone was stabbing me on the left side of my skull. That headache made an appearance on Saturday and at times on Sunday. Sunday also brought the Sore Throat, which continues until today. My voice has slightly gone in and out, but I'm trying to pretend that I'm NOT getting sick in any way, shape or form, cause you can only pull the "I'm sick kids, please stop being crazy" only so many times before they get tired of it and think you're faking (side note: the headache excuse? ALWAYS WORKS. Seriously. I could probably claim to have a headache even when I didn't and they would be all nice, calm and quiet.)

Since I have been slightly sick, I was dreading today because today has Seventh Period, it's a 4 day week due to the holiday on Monday, and next week is Homecoming (cause, you know, just cause it's next week doesn't stop them from being excited this week and the week after [which is also Halloween week]). During my 6th period planning time yesterday, I was debating not coming in today. I felt horrible and exhausted, which is usually how I felt trying to wrassle 28 10th graders into doing something(ANYTHING!) but talking, wandering around the classroom and generally being more interested in going home rather than the work that needs to be done during class. If you are a teacher, you probably understand. End of the day classes are usually the most challenging because they're either seriously awake (a little too awake) or incredibly tired, but either way, they're brains are fried and they don't want to do much. Every class I've had at the end of the day (and last year, I had classes on both A and B days at the end) was always the one I heard "How about we don't do anything today, Mrs. P?" during. Do you know how annoying that is? On the positive side, they were always the one with more energy and personality than the others.

But I decided to show up to school today.
Today was the first day my 7th bell was exactly what I wanted it to be. The kids in there are super helpful, mostly because they like being on their feet and find it hard to sit down for longer than two seconds. I have one that sits at my desk (he loves to put on a show, but if he sits at my desk, he calms down) who took attendance, started/ended the video, and made sure what needed to be on the Promethean Board was up there. I have another student who sits in a blue chair right next to my desk, who everyone lovingly refers to as "Fatty" (that's a whole other story, though). I also have a few other students who always like to be up and social who help in passing out books and papers.
I made the few announcements that I had to make, answered "ARE WE PLAYING TELEPHONE TODAY? I HEARD YOUR OTHER CLASSES GOT TO PLAY TELEPHONE. DO WEEEEEEE?" about a thousand times ("No, your class is about a day behind. We'll get to play telephone next class"), we watched a short 3 minute video from the textbook on what it took to be a knight, and then I let them loose. They had to create a knight's shield for themselves (we were reading "The Sword in the Stone"), put it on the wall somewhere in the room (one student put it on the ceiling!), and then they had to read the story on their own, and finish a sheet we started with the knight clip. While they were coloring and tracing animals onto their sheets using the Promethean Board, I was passing out papers, getting candy for students who turned in their progress reports signed and getting students to make extra copies, clean up, pass out books, finish their work, help others tape up their shields, etc.
These are the days that make teaching worth it. I looked around the class and saw that they were helping each other out, they were learning and having a fun time at the same time, and they were completing what they needed to do. I think I should do those kinds of activities more often. I was also repeating to myself "go with the flow, you are not sick" and I think that helped.
With that class, I try (I'm definitely not 100% successful) to stay as calm and positive as possible. They respond a lot better to me joking around with them or just giving them the "And? I'm not amused" face (or, for Megan and David, who will get it: the "Am I bovvered?" face) than getting angry and yelling. This is mostly because they are the kind of kids that like to find the buttons that make a teacher snap and go bonkers. The more you get angry--the more they win and the more fun they're having, while also creating a very tense, negative classroom atmosphere. When you have a class full of kids used to being yelled at, knowing exactly how to set a teacher off and being able to easily accomplish just that, it really shocks them when you say nothing but positive things about them (no matter how small) and make a joke about the crazy things that come out of their mouth instead of snapping and writing them up. Just imagine me brushing my shoulder off and trying to keep the "What? You thought that was something for me to get mad about? You are crazier than I thought!". What happens with them is that they are either shocked out of misbehaving because they weren't expecting that reaction or they get whatever jokes they have out of their system. Either way, they get over it and everyone moves on a lot quicker than if I decided to make a big deal out of it and argue with them over it for who knows how many minutes. Also, when you have to use the "teacher voice" (which I did have to do to one student today because he kept bouncing up and down on the floor to make the projector shake in an attempt to mess up a few shields), they take it slightly more seriously than if you're using it all the time. Again, it's the shock that makes them straighten up and actually listen. When I told one child to sit down and get to his own work today in "the voice", half the class's jaws dropped and they were all "Oooh, dang, Mrs. P's serious." and then I went back to doing what I was doing and they went back to doing what they were doing. Amazing.

Also: my 12th graders are actually liking Chaucer/The Canterbury Tales, which is great compared to their utter dislike for Beowulf. They are probably just humoring me though because I can't say enough how much better Chaucer is than Beowulf. Does that make me a bad teacher? (Allow me to answer my own question, like a crazy lady: probably not. I do make a point to say that I just don't appreciate Beowulf as much as Chaucer's work, but I definitely understand why it's important. It's just not my thing.)