incredibly difficult and uncomfortably close

This week has been rough. Being far away from everyone who has known me for longer than a month or two definitely is not helping in finding closure and comfort. Grandpa's passing away has brought out every little drop of loneliness and homesick feelings that I had tucked away to wait out the transition of moving. Now it's going full blast and I am desperately craving being near people who I've known and who've known me before August.
I was doing pretty good in school with dealing with everything. I had a little less patience, cried a little in front of one of my classes when I thanked them for being really well behaved (embarassing) and generally more exhausted than usual. As long as I kept my mind off of everything else and focused on what was going on in class, I was fine. Last night, it all came crashing down. I left early today.
Thankfully, everyone at school has been very understanding and very kind. Chandra ordered me to not come to school tomorrow, but we settled on my leaving early today. Rebecca was very understanding-- I couldn't ask for a better department head. I'm going to apologize to my co-teacher for giving her very short notice on having to cover 8th bell today (it was shortened to about a half hour because of the PSATs). I thought I could keep it together, but last night and today everything sunk in completely. Jerilyn (one of the teachers I share a room with. I'm in her room 3 times, I like her room the best) had a similar situation in her life, so it was nice to talk to someone who understands. My students have given me hugs, kept it quieter and more mellow in class (if they knew. I told only one class up front, at the beginning of class, that i was going through a difficult time and needed them to try and keep the usual rowdiness in check a little and try to make me laugh a lot, as they usually do), and written notes to me in their journal. One student almost made me cry (again) in class when he said, "You know... he's never really gone, he's always right here" and pointed to his heart. Sweet kids.
Basically, I'm avoiding being alone or not keeping myself busy with grading, planning, playing SimCity, singing at the top of my lungs in my car, dancing like a crazy woman--anything to get me through this, keep my stuff together so I can keep being a mildly successful first year teacher.